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Mr. Sludgebucket

[ website | The Electric Wonderland ]
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Improve THIS, Assholes! [Feb. 20th, 2004|09:06 pm]
Mr. Sludgebucket
[State 'O The Brain |pissed offpissed off]
[Current Cacophony |The Misfits - Collection II]

Why is it that every time there's a computer system that actually works right, the worthless pinheads that work on them think they have to go "improve" the thing to increase functionality and that kind of shit? Here's a word to the wise for all you keyboard-pounding, code-crunching, social-maladjusted FUCKS that have to tinker with everything:

If something works, LEAVE IT THE FUCK ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's because of code-monkeys and their bullshit that I have to take it in the ass every time I try to do something simple on the computer, and why nothing ever works the same way twice! I've got a fucking DEGREE in computer science, I can figure shit out, I can make shit work, and I'm NOT stupid . . . but yet I keep getting cornholed by computer problems that I have no control over, because every time something starts to work right, some asshole goes and improves it. Fuck improvement. Fuck upgrades. Fuck all. If something works, leave it alone so that people like me can do what they need to do and not have to fight with something for hours on end simply because the stupid program on the other end was put together by some stuttering jack-off that's under the impression that he's clever.

News flash, fuckos!

You're NOT clever, you're assholes! Don't improve something unless it's fucked-up! Leave shit alone! AND STOP PISSING ME OFF! I dealt with your kind in my programming classes, and I enjoyed bullying you into leaving perfectly functional shit alone when I had to do projects with you . . . I enjoyed every minute of it, because you code-jockeys aren't reined in nearly enough, and for every one of you pricks writing code behind a keyboard, there should be one of ME wielding a baseball bat with a rusty nail through it, just to keep your shit in line! And if I ever, EVER get a chance to get ahold of any of the fuckers that keep improving the software I have to use, I'm going to do some heavy duty physical and emotional scarring, oh ho, you better believe it! Gawd, what I wouldn't give to have five minutes alone with some pencil-neck in an empty parking lot right now!



Much better.

Hmm, now that I've vented my rage from the latest technical foul-up in my life in a constructive manner, I'm going to go eat.

Eat my shit, code-monkeys.
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That's Mr. Griffin To You . . . [Dec. 10th, 2003|11:28 am]
Mr. Sludgebucket
[State 'O The Brain |amusedamused]
[Current Cacophony |Erotic Suicide - Perseverance]

Which Family Guy Character are you? Take the Quiz!

Somehow I'm not surprised . . .
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HA! [Dec. 3rd, 2003|03:04 am]
Mr. Sludgebucket
[State 'O The Brain |accomplishedaccomplished]
[Current Cacophony |Jetboy - Damned Nation]

I finally got the shit settled with Network Solutions, and when they wrote me back, they kissed my ass, called it ice cream, and sincerely apologized out their rectums. Yeah, that's what I thought, bitches. All I gots to do is threaten to take my money back from 'em, and they know who they're supposed to bend over for. Most importantly, problem solved, bullshit (hopefully) done, and there will be no problems with the Hollywood Vampires site, which I'll hopefully be updating in less than a week.

Next up, I need to call up ANOTHER domain/website provider tomorrow and scream at them so I can get the Silverbacks site updated in time for the next round of fights in LaSalle, and so I can get the domain name in Bob's name instead of the dwarf who left us to go join Shooto. Long story, don't ask. But after getting one set of web problems solved, I may be getting into another . . . perhaps I'll have another rage-filled post for you all tomorrow, or perhaps I'll be in a finer mood!

Either which way, I'm delighted at how my four little boy rats (the Wrecking Crew) are taking to their new, much larger cage . . . they're absolutely loving it and the great big wheel they have to run in, and I must've sat and just watched them play for an hour. The three Squirrel Girls (my set of three 'lil girl rats) love the cage they inherited from the Wrecking Crew, and are having a ball with their extra room . . . they're going to go apeshit when I buy 'em a big cage like the Wrecking Crew's next week. I've also decided that the two 'lil girl rats remaining in the other cage (since Andy and the kids picked their two girls out tonight . . . those two rats are going to be spoiled rotten a thousand times over) are going to be named Laverne and Shirley (not original, but if you looked at 'em, you'd see that they just look like a Laverne & Shirley), and I'm also debating whether or not to give them up. I've already got a bunch of rats, but dammit, I'm REALLY getting attached to all of these cuddly little creatures that I've been raising and looking after ever since they were born . . . I'm the biggest wuss in the world when it comes to little animals, especially the rats! So I may end up with more rats than I anticipated, but that's okay . . . I prefer the company of my clever, good-natured rats to that of most humans.

Anyway, that's it. It's friggin' late, and myself, the bird, and the rodents are going to have ourselves a late-night snack before turning in, so's I can get up early tomorrow and do battle with another web service provider. Yay. I wish I could just piss all over things that annoy me, like Paulie does.
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Network Solutions Can DIE! [Dec. 1st, 2003|04:34 pm]
Mr. Sludgebucket
[State 'O The Brain |MURDEROUS]
[Current Cacophony |Slayer - God Hates Us All]

I'm going to bite someone. I just wasted the entire goddamn day trying to contact my fucking domain name provider to update my contact information, since my admin address is apparently 'invalid,' which is really funny, considering that my admin e-mail is working in perfect order. Fucking Network Solutions assholes, I fucking paid those cocksuckers off until May of 2008 for my website, after two weeks of agony fighting with them, Yahoo, and another domain name provider that was trying to acquire my domain name . . . I paid out the ass to ensure that I wouldn't have to hear from them again for five years, but here we go again.

What really pissed me off is that every time I called them to try to update my e-mail contact information (via the paper letter they sent me, which informed me that they would be taking my domain name away from me unless I updated my 'invalid' information), those motherfuckers kept me on the line for five minutes and then hung up on me every time. Sometimes they'd even have a cheerful little voice say, "We're sorry, but we've lost your connection." Ain't that cute? In the words of the great Arnold Schwarzenegger, "c'mon, don't bullshit me!"

Gawd, I just want to stomp on somebody's neck right now. I'm a person that rarely gets truly pissed off about anything, but it's this kind of shit that puts me in an absolute rage, because no matter how many times I take care of this shit, they fuck it all up again in a few months and start bugging me, wanting more money and blaming me for the problem when it's all on their end. I just sent them a totally scathing e-mail threatening to revoke payment and take my hollywoodvampires.net domain name elsewhere, to a place that was actually interested in dealing with me, so I figure I'll hear back from them before long. Businesses like this operate just like colleges: as long as they think they've got the upper hand, they'll ignore you, abuse you, and take as much money as they can, but if you threaten to cut off that money and go somewhere else, they snap right to attention and offer to put their tongue right up your ass and call it ice cream. Fuckers. I might just end up yanking the money away from them and going somewhere else, tongue or no tongue.

It still burns me that I wasted an entire afternoon trying to deal with this shit in a civilized, polite, reasonable manner. And this particular problem involved the two things that enrage me the most: computers and incompetence. That, and the two weeks I spent solving this problem back in May STILL piss me off, even more so that it seems I'm practically back to square one. Gawd, I hope I get filthy, stinking rich someday, just so that whenever I get into a situation like this, I can crush the incompetent beneath my bootheel and make 'em scream. If I didn't love my writing and cherish my dream of bringing my stories and vampire characters to the world so much, I would've given up on this internet shit a long time ago, because all of this modernized computerized bullshit with its passwords, logins, security questions, 'invalid information,' and other crap makes me so mad I actually get a pounding headache from it, and I NEVER get headaches. Fuck off, assholes. The only thing those Network Solutions asslickers need to know is that I fronted them a pretty good chunk of change back in May, and for that reason and that reason alone, I shouldn't have to deal with this shit.

Man, I want to jump on something either human or computerized, run it into the ground, and then bite it to death. I need underlings to do this shit for me, while I write my stories and play with my rats. I'm glad I'm going over to Baldo's to watch wrestling tonight, because it's impossible to stay in a bad mood around him!
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Shit! [Nov. 26th, 2003|02:29 am]
Mr. Sludgebucket
[State 'O The Brain |shockedshocked]
[Current Cacophony |L7 - Hungry For Stink]

What lesser-known Simpsons character are you?

Brought to you by the good folks at sacwriters.com

Comic Book Guy?! THAT FAT FUCK?! Man, I suck!

Wow, that really pissed on my parade. I was much happier being David Johansen . . .

Fuck, I think I'm gonna go hang myself with my Playstation 2 controller cord.
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The Creep In The Hat [Nov. 22nd, 2003|05:44 pm]
Mr. Sludgebucket
[State 'O The Brain |contemplativecontemplative]
[Current Cacophony |L7 - Bricks Are Heavy]

I don't know if it's just because I've always thought that Mike Meyers was slightly on the creepy side, but I think he looks rather unsettling as the Cat in the Hat.

When I was a kid reading the books and watching the old Cat in the Hat cartoons (which totally rocked), I always found the Cat to be a benevolent, slightly mischievous soul that was rather endearing. Granted, he wasn't nearly as cool as the badass known only as the Grinch, but the Cat never bothered me, either. To this day, when I see the Cat in the Hat books and the big image of the Cat grinning knowingly on the cover, I can't help but grin back at him, because he's a kindhearted, innocent soul in a world full of assholes.

But man, when I see Mike Meyers as the Cat, all I can think of is that he looks like some sort of genetically-modified child molester. I see this new Cat in the previews for the movie, and I get this uneasy feeling that he was one of the unholy creations from the Island of Doctor Moreau, and that the kids in the movie are eventually going to come to a pretty bad end.

I don't know, it's just my opinion, but I'm of the mind that just because we now have the technology to make things like live-action Cat in the Hat movies, that doesn't mean we should. The Cat in the Hat is a creature that lives in the drawings and writings of Dr. Seuss, including the cartoons (which I believe were supervised by the good Doctor) and in the hearts and minds of little ankle-biters everywhere. He can't be properly brought to life in any "realistic" way because he doesn't belong in a realistic setting . . . he belongs in a purely fantastical setting, and any attempts to bring the Cat into the real world will conjure up half-human, half-beast abominations like what we're seeing in the previews. Gollum worked out so well in the Lord of the Rings movies because he was a creepy little bastard to begin with, and he wasn't cuddly in the least, so if he came out as an abomination, that's just fine. But as for the Cat in the Hat, leave the poor guy alone, sheesh.

Leave some things to the imagination, you fuckers.
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Born Salesman [Nov. 22nd, 2003|10:19 am]
Mr. Sludgebucket
[State 'O The Brain |accomplishedaccomplished]
[Current Cacophony |David Lee Roth - Eat 'Em And Smile]

Yesterday I took the aggressive salesman approach whenever a customer was debating over whether or not to buy the new AC/DC Live At Donington video, which is a legendary performance that's been released on DVD for the first time in America. He was waffling on it, taking forever in the process, and it was getting near closing time, so I was getting tired of standing by the case waiting for the dude to get done.

"I don't know if I want to get this or not . . . it's an old concert and everything," he said, and I rolled my eyes.

"Oh come on, dude!" I protested, "Live After Death is an old Maiden concert, but I still listen to it to this day. Old shit like this is better than 99% of all the new stuff being released today. You know it, I know it, Bob Dole knows it, the cat knows it, and the American people know it."

"Well, yeah, but I don't know. Is it good?"

I acted as though he'd wounded me. "It's AC/DC! Of course it's good! My gawd, I should slap you just for asking me that." I pointed at the DVD. "When I had a copy of this on VHS, I wore the son of a bitch out, played it straight into oblivion. This is quality shit, dude. Blows the balls off most everything out there."

He thought about it, then started to put the DVD back into the case, after he'd stood there and looked at it for 20 minutes total. I was a bit annoyed, so I went for the hard sell. "You're gonna regret not getting that, because AC/DC rocks. It's about a million times better than that Linkin Park album you were looking at earlier, and it's also two bucks cheaper. Come on dude, don't be a pussy."

He ended up buying it. I rule.
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I'd Kill To See This . . . [Nov. 20th, 2003|06:50 pm]
Mr. Sludgebucket
[State 'O The Brain |gigglygiggly]

"Hey-ay, Boo-Boo! Screw this pic-a-nic basket shit! It's time to feast on human flesh!"

It's straight downhill from there. Adult Swim should hire my dumb ass, I swear.
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Rats - 1 Humans - 0 [Nov. 20th, 2003|04:10 am]
Mr. Sludgebucket
[State 'O The Brain |amusedamused]
[Current Cacophony |Madonna - Like A Virgin]

Paulie outsmarted me again and found a way around the barrier I made to keep him out from behind the dryer. If he's trying convince me that a couple million years of supposed evolution don't mean squat, he's succeeding marvelously. Sheesh, the least he could've done was wait longer than a day to make me look like nothing more than a tail-less ape that was proud of the way he stacked up some boxes by the dryer.

But I sure as hell ain't gonna get mad at him . . . how can I? I'm sure not going to punish him or get pissed just because he's smart, after all!

I just finished taking a fascinating walk through Mad Mary's mind, and now I'm sleepy. But progress on "Diary of a Madwoman" part 2 is going along swimmingly, so I'm happy. Time to sleep.
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Trash! [Nov. 19th, 2003|03:15 am]
Mr. Sludgebucket
[State 'O The Brain |pleasedpleased]
[Current Cacophony |Roxx Gang - Drinkin' TNT & Smokin' Dynamite]

david johansen
You're David Johansen, the lead singer of the New
York Dolls. You are a sexy bitch who growls
like a werewolf but can swagger better than
Jagger.. You're confident, hipper than
everyone, and you know it. You're not afraid to
wear women's clothes because you're a real man.
No one is cooler than you, you tart.

Which rad old school 70's glam icon are you? (with pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

Hell yeah! I'm David Johansen! I rock! Though I don't wear women's clothing . . . in the town where I come from, that can get you killed and eaten. But I wholeheartedly agree with everything else, whoo hoo! Plus, having the ability to transform into Buster Poindexter whenever I want and annoy the hell out of everybody around me is frigging awesome . . . IZZAT YOU, SANTY CLAUS?!?!?!?!!?!
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