|Munster, Get Some!
||[Jun. 1st, 2004|02:57 am]
|[||State 'O The Brain
|||||Johnny Cash - Murder||]|
Man, I've wanted to get a hold of Lily Munster since I was a kid. She's hot, she can cook, and if she can put up with Herman and Grandpa's goofy shit, I'd be able to get away with murder. Hell, she'd probably even help me bury the body!
I'd be more than happy to kick Herman Munster's big dumb dead ass to get my mitts on Lily . . . aw, don't get uppity with me. Yeah, yeah, I know, Herman's NICE and a lovable guy and all that shit, but you know what? Herman's nice because he's too STUPID to be anything else! Big dumb ape.
I'd also like to get hold of Morticia Addams, but my lust for Morticia is more than tempered by my fear of one Gomez Addams. Frankly, I'm scared shitless of Gomez.
Y'see, I feel no fear at all towards Herman Munster, because all it takes to bring Herman down is miniscule intelligence and an aluminum baseball bat. But Gomez, Gomez is another story entirely. Some may put Gomez off as being an eccentric goof, but that guy's wily like a fox and smart as hell, and the eccentricity makes him all the more dangerous. In short, Gomez is an evil fuck.
As a matter of fact, he'd probably pretend he didn't know anything about me trying to lay the pipe to Morticia in the parlor, and every time I came over, he'd be playing ping-pong with Thing or nuking his train set with Uncle Fester, acting completely oblivious to everything. But just before I got it going with Morticia, Gomez would come galloping in with a friggin' fencing sword or something, kick my ass, cut off my ear, and then send me on my way.
You see, Gomez KNOWS his wife is hot, and he KNOWS guys are going to try to get at her goodies, and he makes a game out of it, waiting until just the right moment to totally ruin Morticia's would-be suitor's day. Shit, I'd rather play "catch the rusty knife" with Wednesday than tangle with Gomez.
So Morticia's out of the picture.
But Lily . . . HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!