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Mr. Sludgebucket

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Hissssssss! [Mar. 6th, 2004|07:26 pm]
Mr. Sludgebucket
[State 'O The Brain |annoyedannoyed]
[Current Cacophony |Brides of Destruction - Here Come The Brides]

I don't care what anybody says: I think Halle Berry looks absolutely HORRIBLE as Catwoman. The costume completely sucks ass (ripped leather pants, near-bikini top, and a really ugly-ass cat mask), and looks like something a basement-dwelling fanboy would construct, and the fact that she can't act her way out of a wet paper bag doesn't help, either. Ugh, if the new Catwoman movie bombs and it messes up the chances for the next Batman movie to get released, I'm gonna soooo mail her a box of cat turds. I'm sick of hearing everybody tell me how hot she looks in the costume and how the movie's going to be great just because they get wood over it. Fucking asshole screenwriters. I hate it when they fuck with a character and tweak the hell out of it because they think they can do better than the comic writers who made the characters good enough and popular enough to warrant a movie in the first place. Isn't that why the whole Batman series got flushed after Batman & Robin? Dumbass Schumacher thought he knew better than the comic writers by fucking around with the Batman formula, and look where it got him. Asshole.

In fact, now that I think of it, I think I wouldn't mind seeing the new Catwoman movie bomb, and bomb hard. Bomb like me in the can after eating Taco Bell. It might mean no new Batman movie for quite awhile, but y'know, it'd be worth it just to see everybody connected with the movie burn in debt hell, and knock Halle Berry down a few pegs. I'm sick of everybody fawning over her (she sucked in the new James Bond movie, too), especially the whole Catwoman suit thing. It's an ugly costume, she's mediocre as eye-candy at best, and she's worthless as an actress. Besides, any so-called "super-heroine" that prances around in nothing but leather pants, tiny top, and a paper-mache-looking cat mask is an idiot, because if I were a supervillain and I had a super-heroine dressed like that coming after me, I'd just shoot her in her oh-so-cute 'lil bare stomach, tell her how DUMB she is for not wearing body-armor like Batman, and then kick her stupid ass off a building. And yeah, I take my Batman comics seriously, and yeah, I HATE Halle Berry.

That, and I'm goofy in the fact that it takes more than trotting out some vapid bimbo in a tiny costume and calling her a super-heroine to impress me. In my opinion, Jenny Sparks from the Authority/Stormwatch is the greatest super-heroine of all time. She was a drunk, she chain-smoked, dressed like a slob, was normal-looking (i.e., didn't have a chest large enough to have its own zip code), cursed like a sailor, and she actually had a great deal of depth to her . . . she wasn't eye-candy, she was a badass who was just as goofy as any of us. But then, she was created by a guy who can actually write a real story, as opposed to some repressed geek modeling a character after his favorite spank-material. Hmm, and it's probably hopeless that she'll ever get portrayed on the big screen by an actress along the lines of Janeane Garofalo . . . hell, they'd probably have Jenny portrayed by fucking Halle Berry, with my luck. Argh.

Oh yeah, did anybody see that the Lugs shoe company is now offering a DRIVING shoe? All I can say is that if someone's stupid enough to buy a DRIVING shoe, they deserve to be fleeced of their money in every way possible. As a matter of fact, I'm going out to the garage right now to go invent a SITTING shoe, and I plan to get rich and retire off the thing, because if something as asinine as a DRIVING shoe can sell, then a SITTING shoe should make me a pile of money. Popular culture is dictated by dumbasses.

I'm hungry.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: wikkidgothbabe
2004-03-11 06:10 am (UTC)

True...

There have been MUCH better ladies portraying Catwoman...
Julie Newmar, of course...
And Michelle Pfeiffer's outfit in *Batman Returns* was simply to DIE for!!!!
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: mr_sludgebucket
2004-03-11 04:54 pm (UTC)

Re: True...

Julie Newmar . . . oh yeah. Julie Newmar rocked, BIG-TIME.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)